I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
