It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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