he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
