i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
