could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
