Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
