She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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