I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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