2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
