oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
