He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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