I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
