mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
