buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
