We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
