I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
