Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
