i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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