I think I won the penis lottery.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just pee around me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
