I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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