love makes seman taste better
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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