Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
