so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
