its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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