we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
