my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
