that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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