chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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