I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
