I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
