The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
