So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize