I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sober January is a disaster.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
