Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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