I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
