I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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