So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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