Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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