i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
