it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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