On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
