I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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