you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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