After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
