i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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