I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
