hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
