I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
