i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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