i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
