he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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