I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
