I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
