I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
