She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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