He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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