I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
