we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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