my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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