drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
