Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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