I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
wow bdsm is so cute
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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