im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
