The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
