Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
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I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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