doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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