Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
