Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Drake has all the answers
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
