i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
