I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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