We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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