i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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