Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
