Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
