a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
