i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
