Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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