Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All the doctor said was why
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
