Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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