Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
