wanna go halves on a baby?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
